Self-love is an important topic that has been swept under the rug by many. There are many posts out there telling you to do a certain thing to increase the love you feel for yourself, but remember that these are just ideas and suggestions. You do not need to follow a set of rules on your journey of loving yourself.
To be able to understand how to love yourself begins with yourself and only you. You are the only person who judges your actions or activities that increase the level of self-love you have for yourself.
WHAT IS SELF-LOVE?
Let’s start by understanding self-love in general. Self-love is the things you do, the boundaries you set and the people you keep in life that will result in your own happiness or add up to your own advantage. But remember always NOT to base the reasons of doing these things for another person’s happiness, because it is easy to have the lines blurred on these two.
If you are the type of person that sleeps in on your off day and only wake up to eat and watch some TV, and then go back to bed to rest more, so be it! You do not need validation or acceptance from other people. Let them judge you or you can tell them that this is your way of giving yourself some love. Sooner or later, they will understand rather than you having to live most of your life doing things that conform to the other people in your life. That would mean you are doing things to make others happy, but not yourself.
Next, is about setting your boundaries. Having a boundary means that you have set a line between what is acceptable and what is not. You can set boundaries in your emotional life, physical, personal space and your privacy. Many people do not understand the importance of setting boundaries because we want to be nice, kind, loving and giving. But when someone hurts us or does something that hurt us, we feel it so deeply and it will become a pattern if we do not tell them that they have crossed our boundaries and that the action they do are definitely not acceptable.
Let me give you an example. You have a sister that you are very close to. You feel so comfortable in telling her your deepest feelings and secrets and you know she will keep your secrets safely. You turn to her in your darkest times and you confide in her for emotional support. Then your father goes to your sister and asks her some questions about you and your sister answers your father with all the facts that she knows. Later you find out about this and you feel so ashamed because your secrets have been revealed to your father. You feel so betrayed by your sister and goes to her to confront her. She answers you “I didn’t know you didn’t want father to know”.
It could be because of these little things that you overlook that could cause you hurt. It is out of not knowing and not setting your boundaries with others. If you have let your sister know, that the things you tell her were only for her ears, then she will understand your boundary. If she does it the second time, then you have to accept that your sister is not your safe place to tell secrets to. This becomes your new boundary; TELLING YOUR SISTER YOUR SECRETS.
THE PEOPLE YOU KEEP
The people you keep in life include the people you follow on your social media accounts as well. This is not about being choosy or arrogant. It is about how these people make you feel. The point of choosing the people you want in your life has a lot to do with where you would like to be in life. If you want to live a happier and a more positive life, having people who put your brilliant ideas down or having to read posts that bring you down won’t alleviate you to the positive place you wish to be.
If this sounds like one of your family members or close friends, it could be a little harder to cut them out of your life. You can always love them for who they are, and to bring more positive conversations when you are around them.
It is important to know the person you want to be, the achievements you want to achieve and the feelings you want to feel as a person. This is a very big part of loving yourself. But we are not meant to live and go on in this life journey alone. We need people who uplift us, who support us, who believe in us, and those who love us too. Keep them right ones, and let go of the ones who make you doubt yourself.
A little reminder: You don’t need to let them go physically, but just let go of the person you wished they would be.
I hope you love this first post of mine and do come back for more!
Thank you and so much love,